For the past couple of weeks I have been in a funk. I’ve been adding so many new things to the mix these past couple of months that I have started to get burned out.
I’ve been struggling with staying motivated and having all my ducks in a row. It’s like as soon as I get caught up on one thing I have 100 more things I have to do.
It’s gotten to the point where I’ve just been numb and not felt like doing anything that I should be doing. I’ve done the bare minimum in pretty much every aspect of my life the past few weeks just to keep a float.
Church this Sunday was so powerful (and to think I almost didn’t go.)
I was listening to the music and thinking at the same time. Thoughts just kept rushing through my mind and I couldn’t focus on what was happening then all of a sudden I hear a little voice say “listen” and I started hearing the words and I just started bawling.
I literally cried through the whole Church service (I never do that) and even after Church I was sitting in the car for a good 15 mins trying to compose myself before I went inside my Nana’s house to eat with the family.
At the alter call at church I prayed and asked God to please take my whole heart and soul and I let him know that I was his and that I was ready to fulfill the purpose he has for me.
I was expecting to have some big epiphany and suddenly know what I needed to be doing with my life but it didn’t happen like that.
I went about my day like normal and didn’t think that much about anything anymore after.
And then Monday morning came...
I slept way too late and I was just going to skip walking (like I had done the past 2 weeks) and something kept telling me to just get up, put on my shoes, and go. So that’s what I did.
While I was walking I put on a podcast (The Mompreneur Mastermind Show) about “When God says, wait... be still” to try and help me get some clarity. As I was listening to the podcast I kept trying to hold on to every word to see if it related to what I should be doing. And then I heard this... “ask him to show you the way and ask him to show you the time.”
She also said “I pray all day everyday and I really feel like every decision I make should come from him.” And “We cast our worries upon him.”
Basically everything she said in the last 3-4 mins of that podcast hit me so hard. I started breaking down again and started asking him to show me the way and the time while I was listening to the podcast.
After the podcast I put some Christian jams and cried the rest of the way home.
Then I took a cold shower...
As I was showering thoughts kept rushing through my head again (nonsense thoughts about things that happened years ago) like they’ve done for the past couple of weeks. Finally I said “stop thinking. Listen.”
And I’m not kidding you... It was literally like my thoughts had just stopped in their tracks and I felt my ears open up at that moment. And I just sat there...
After a few moments of peace I started singing this song (When We Pray by Tauren Wells):
“I see hope on the horizon
As a generation stepping out in faith
Because we will be a people on our knees
As one before the King
'Cause we believe
All the world starts changing
When the church starts praying
Strongholds start to break
Oh, when we pray
Prison walls start shaking
At the sound of praising
Nothing stays the same
Oh, when we pray”
And then it hit me.... to pray.
This prayer was the most honest and real prayer I think I have ever prayed. I just straight up spilled my heart to God (even thought he already knew all those things) and I prayed for clarity on what I should be doing.
I prayed that all my opinions and thoughts be stopped in their tracks and that I would just listen to what he says to me and I just do whatever it is that he wants me to do (which is sooo hard for me.)
A few moments later I just started saying “focus on your blog and your YouTube channel. That’s it. Stop stressing over everything else.”
As I was finishing up my shower, ideas started flowing through my mind (I had been stumped on ideas for my videos and blogs and that was one reason why I started feeling the way I did.)
These ideas just kept coming so I rushed out of the shower and started putting them on the notes on my phone. Then I grabbed my laptop and started working and doing research. And for hours I just kept working and working and new ideas kept popping up.
I didn’t even realize until just now that I finally stopped stressing and just started doing what God wanted me to do. I finally feel at peace again and on the right track.
So why did I yell you all of this? Why didn’t I just tell you about the last part of me praying in the shower?
Because all of the events lead up to that moment....
I know their are times when you pray and you feel like God doesn’t hear your prayers but he always hears you. And he is always working in your favor.
A lot of times we hear these stories about someone praying or crying out to God and they hear this voice telling them exactly what to do and everything falls into place but what about the prayers and moments leading up to that?
I whole heartedly believe that prayer is super powerful but it’s not always an epiphany moment where you all of a sudden know all of the answers.
So next time when you pray for clarity or anything really, listen and trust that God is working in your favor.
What you are praying for may not happen when you want it to and more than likely you will have to keep praying about it but God is already in the process of answering it.
Our god is an awesome God and he does amazing things but we can’t just expect him to do things on our time. This world isn’t our world... it’s his.
Before you go I will leave you with this prayer... I pray that you be still and listen to what God has planned for you. I pray that you have trust in him and give him every bit of you. I pray that he gives you the knowledge to know what to do next and that you won’t argue or question what he wants you to do. I pray that you have peace knowing that your prayers will be answered in his perfect timing. In Jesus name, Amen.
Never forget to choose faith over fear.
-Lorena Camille
(Faith Fuels My Fire)
p.s. If you want to see more of my weight loss journey, check out my YouTube Channel (Faith Fuels My Fire.) I will be posting a vlog every Sunday and Wednesday.
You can also follow me on Instagram (faithfuelsmyfire.) I'll be posting everyday and doing stories. I'll follow you back :)
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